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Lady Porn Day: On Banging and Body Image

To get straight to the point – this post will make you uncomfortable if you are a) my mother b) my aunt c) anyone who has a genetic tie to me and is not under 25. Feel free to keep reading, and we’ll just chalk this up to one of those things you read and we don’t need to ever discuss face to face.

Or maybe we should talk about it? Lady Porn Day is the brainchild of the unbelievably sexy wordsmith Rabbit Write, as a day promoting safe spaces for women to discuss pornography and masturbation without raising any CAN YOU BELIEVE WHAT SHE JUST SAID?? eyebrows. And because we are all kick-ass, intelligent, and sexy women around here at MM – I immediately jumped on the bandwagon when Rabbit extended the invitation. The Result? So many UNBELIEVABLE bloggers talking about all manner of porn, sexuality, body image, and personal history – as well as a lively twitter conversation at #ladypornday. Get it while it’s hot.

Now.

The thing about being a ::not the kind of body you typically see on TV, walking the runway, or in pornography:: woman is that you so very, very rarely see representations of yourself that are sexy. You might find pornography that glorifies “big boned women” or some type of (ugh) chubby chaser sites/videos, but at the end of the day? I am more that just a (fat) body, and I find my self just so very not at all turned on by pornography that glorifies my fat.

Now, the thing of it is – we are trained not to find fat people sexy. We are trained to find them awkward, clumsy, unwieldy, cumbersome, lethargic, rolling, and ultimately? Not sexy. We are trained to feel this way by the repetition of perfect, thin bodies assaulting us from every major media outlet, until all of the sudden, we are hard pressed to know where our own thoughts end and media depictions of what we should look like begin.

Ok. So let’s assume that all of this is true. Now, what happens when you have a little clumsy, chubby thirteen year old girl who is just looking around everywhere for some understanding of herself as attractive. Nothing. Not a freaking thing that is not categorized as subversive and kinky and WEIRD. And when you’re 13? Weird is not awesome. Weird cannot be interesting or eclectic. When you are 13 weird means no one normal is ever going to want to sleep with you.

Enter the world of words.

I’m kind of a really big geek, which I’m pretty sure that all of you know already, but I have to tell you – absolutely nothing on earth gets me hot like some impressive vocabulary. Whoever said a picture is worth a thousand words? Oh, so so very wrong. When I couldn’t find myself in traditional, straight pornography, I pouted a little, had a bit of an existential crisis, and hated my body for a little while. But then? I found erotica.

I have always been blessed with a wild imagination.

And suddenly? All of those stories were stories that could star ME – no matter how fat or awkward or clumsy I was. In my mind? I was the sexiest thing alive and everyone wanted me, exactly how I was. If I could dream it up? I could play it in my head to my heart’s content, reading the pages over and over if I wanted to.

And before I knew it? I could be that girl in real life. I could be hot. I could do whatever I wanted to do – whatever I could imagine. Before I knew it, I had surpassed the limitations of my fat body.

Join the conversation! We want to know: What do you think about pornography? How were you introduced to it? How does it impact your body image?

16 Comments to Lady Porn Day: On Banging and Body Image

  1. Jennie's Gravatar Jennie
    February 22, 2011 at 2:44 pm | Permalink

    I got a tattoo of a pinup girl in 2007 when I was 20, and she’s loosely based on the muse Calliope. She definitely doesn’t look Greek, she’s light haired and light eyed and small nosed, and looks actually a lot like me. Anyways, the point of this is that when I was at the tattoo parlor, a big girl came in and described the pinup girl she wanted tattooed – a big girl, who would look kinda like her. I was paying attention to this to distract myself from my own tattoo pain, but the girl and the tattooist who was helping her surfed porn and pinup sites for probably an hour trying to find something like what she wanted with no luck. The girl left and said she was going to pick up some porn that featured big girls. I hope she found something. It’s just like you said – we all want a sexy representation of ourselves, especially when we’re having them permanently etched into our own flesh!

  2. February 22, 2011 at 2:51 pm | Permalink

    Totally with you on the erotica thing. I did one of those buy 10 books for 25 cents bookclub things and it was all erotica. I had a million of those books. And started lending them out to my friends. Ya know what? I never got any back!!
    I’m strait (and thin), and can’t get into strait porn. I always start thinking about the girls, what their real life is like, how long it took them to really fake what they are doing, what they’re really thinking about…..and it’s funny to me anyway. But, erotica, yes please!

    Love you, MM :)
    Andrea Owen recently posted..My Reaction to Glamour Magazine’s Body Image SurveyMy Profile

  3. February 22, 2011 at 2:53 pm | Permalink

    And P.S. I think we’re just too smart for porn. That’s my opinion and I’m stickin’ too it….
    Andrea Owen recently posted..My Reaction to Glamour Magazine’s Body Image SurveyMy Profile

  4. February 22, 2011 at 4:27 pm | Permalink

    This post is all kinds of awesome. Love that you have embraced sexuality and that you encourage the rest of us to do the same. Kudos to you and to Rabbit Write.
    Dana Udall-Weiner recently posted..Can You Ever Be Ready for MotherhoodMy Profile

  5. February 22, 2011 at 5:45 pm | Permalink

    Oh, I so get this. When I was a sexually frustrated teenager, I used to thumb through romance novels in the bookstore, hunting for the ‘sexy parts’. And, to this day, nothing turns me on quite like erotica – except for my own imagination, of course… hey, maybe I should start writing things down!
    Megan @ ascension blog recently posted..the Awesomeness 22022011My Profile

  6. Bon's Gravatar Bon
    February 22, 2011 at 6:14 pm | Permalink

    Personally not a fan of porn but reading can get me all kinds of hot and bothered! (I would also like to let you know that I think that you are probably one of the most beautiful women I have EVER met. Period. Also I do not think that this post is TOO embarrassing if your mom read it…could be worse for sure!)

  7. Sooze's Gravatar Sooze
    February 22, 2011 at 7:35 pm | Permalink

    I both repulsed/embarrassed by pornography and inexplicably drawn to it. And I’m also confused. Because there are often young perfect looking women who have no qualms about showing everything to everyone and then there are the videos w/the less than stellar looking people. I don’t look like those people no matter which way you slice it. I am round all over the damn place. And some of the stuff they do just looks painful. Anyway, I do have a question; What is erotica?

  8. Ela's Gravatar Ela
    February 22, 2011 at 7:41 pm | Permalink

    Thank you for sharing this–and I’m right there with you: had to force myself to get a camera to take pics when I’d started blogging: I’m so non-visual and it’s words that always get me. I’ve only read a couple erotica books and they definitely ‘get’ me and fuel me for a long time–have barely ever looked at porn. As a teenager, I was just clueless and in denial of the whole thing, but I think that if I’d come across the right books, it might have been a whole different story.
    love
    Ela

  9. Pamela's Gravatar Pamela
    February 22, 2011 at 10:56 pm | Permalink

    Porn pisses me off. At first, I was just revolted. Once in a blue moon I’ll find something that I think is sexy, but that’s the exception.

    Our men are ruined by porn. They have been indoctrinated from an early age that the wierder or more painful something is, the sexier it is. It’s some freaky marketing hypnosis like in the book, A Clockwork Orange. They get all this negative stuff associated in their minds with sex.

    Then when you try to have sex with them, they’re not there. They won’t shut up. They say rude, revolting things that have nothing to do with what is going on or the sensations they are feeling. It’s like they’re in some wierd porn world in their head instead of in bed (or wherever) with you. Like they cannot even feel their own body.

    As far as who is depicted, they will have to rethink the whole thing before I give a rat’s ass. :)

  10. February 8, 2012 at 3:13 pm | Permalink

    I looked at the picture of that girl dressed in a fishnet body and it made me remember of movies like Moulin Rouge and Dangerous Liaisons, where women were voluptuous and beautiful, exactly like that lady. In fact, when sometimes I feel bothered with my own image – big breasts, big bottom, small waist, some tummy – I pick up a fancy and sexy lingerie that reminds me of that period. It’s shapewear, yeah, but it has the magic of making me feel good with myself; perhaps it’s because of the possibility of wearing stockings (luuuuv stockings!), or the shape of these bras and girdles, but every time I dress myself with these garments I see myself for what I really am: a pinup from the 50′s who lives in the XXI century.

    That being said porn doesn’t bother me at all. I know everything we see in these pictures happen to be rather fake or at least too much voyeuristic to give a real credit. Yet it helps one to be in the right mood to have some fun with oneself in case a partner is missing. :)

  11. Emily King's Gravatar Emily King
    April 9, 2012 at 9:33 am | Permalink

    Wow. So glad that we’re having these conversations about sexuality and desire.

    But I also think that some folks are mistakenly assuming that all porn is geared towards the gaze of straight, white males (as if, of course, one could ever responsibly generalize about the desire of any group!). Indeed, there are many porn groups that are devoted to feminism and anti-racism, revel in fat-inclusivity and safe sex, and explore queer desire too. If, for instance, one visits the Good Vibrations website, one can easily locate such DVDs or downloads.

    The neo-burlesque movement is another source of sex-positive fun. In major cities, one can usually find live shows that feature women (and men) of every size and/or take classes in burlesque.

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Welcome! I’m Mara.

I’m Mara Glatzel. I’m an intuitive coach and writer. I guide women home to themselves and teach them to create lives brimming with supreme self-care. read more
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