Aright internet, even though I’ve been doing my very best to keep to myself these days, think nice thoughts, and not worry about what others are doing. This post was unavoidable – Jess Weiner’s Weight Struggle: “Loving My Body Almost Killed Me.” In fact I barely want to link it here, because I am likening the title to a specifically annoying type of publicity stunt with what we’ve seen several other women’s magazines do this year. But you should read it just so that we are all on the same page.
Now. People are very upset about this article. I’m a little upset about this article, but my official opinion is that it is not as bad as the title suggests. The title is horrendous. Loving your body will NOT almost kill you – that is if you believe that loving your body INCLUDES things like exercise, eating healthy, and going to the doctor at regular intervals. To me, “loving your body” means taking care of it and not putting it on a shelf in the back of your brain, because the “self-acceptance” movement has told you you are OK at any weight.
image by devinlynnx
The self-acceptance movement is not, nor in my opinion has it ever been about letting yourself go. Now, I’m not referring to letting yourself go, like when you stop doing your hair or whatever it is that people mean to when they use that phrase in hushed tones to describe someone who used to be attractive. I am talking about letting yourself go by not taking care of yourself. You can be fat and love yourself completely, but the human body still needs to get out and go for a walk around the block. You still need to get some vitamins. You still need to sleep adequately and drink enough water.
Loving your body does not mean forgetting about your body’s basic needs.
It does however mean that you can take care of your body in a way that comes naturally to you, and makes you feel your best. This can mean that you still have to make some hard choices for your health. For example, I am allergic to gluten and thus, much to my chagrin, I have to avoid it. This has nothing to do with gaining or losing weight, it is just an unfortunate truth that my body doesn’t process my beloved bagels in the same joyful manner that my mouth does. It means that in order to be my best self, and live in my best body, I have to avoid wheat. For some people this is sugar or dairy or booze or caffeine – the point is: each and every body is different.
Can you love your body and still want to lose weight? YES. I can love my body 100% and will still notice when I’m feeling sluggish or lackluster. I know where my body’s natural weight is, and, thus, IÂ know what it feels like to move effortlessly within my own skin. And what it feels like when I’m not quite in that range. Sometimes this is for health reasons and sometimes it is because you just feel gross. Please note, I am not begrudging any weight or size when I refer to this “gross” feeling, it is simply the way that I describe the feeling of discomfort in my own skin when I am not taking care of myself. It is not an I’m so fat thing, it is a “I’ve been treating my body like crap for the last three weeks and I know that for my body to feel good I need to do X, Y, and Z..”
It is unfortunate that in our society, “weight” has become synonymous with “unhealthy”, and for that reason I am extremely grateful that the Health at Every Size movement has been gaining traction lately. The reality is, it is not the weight that is unhealthy, it is the habits that people indulge in that are not in line with their body’s natural rhythm and needs. Sure people can be overweight and unhealthy, but a thin person who eat McDonald’s for every meal is also likely unhealthy – except far less people villanize their actions.
This article upset me, not because it wasn’t well written or honest or brave – it upset me because the shock and awe tactics were employed by the magazine to elicit a strong reaction from its readers and others. This issue is being played out in doctors’ offices and within peoples’ hearts all around the country right now, and I am heartbroken that the message that they glean from this article is: all that Health at Every Size stuff WAS wrong all along, I knew it!, it says right here – loving your body will kill you!
Loving your body will not kill you, but ignoring it might. Refusing to take care of it? Perhaps. Running it into the ground, without making the slightest attempt to properly fuel it? Not advisable. Loving it to death? Not likely.
Other important posts on this topic:
- Dances with Fat, Loving Your Body Will Not Kill You and For Health Reasons
- Adios Barbie, When Loving Your Body Goes Wrong
- Family Feeding Dynamics, Accepting and Loving Your Body Will NOT Kill You
- Body Love Wellness, On Jess Weiner and Why Loving Your Body Won’t Kill You
- The Body Positive, Loving Your Body did NOT Almost Kill You
- The Rotund, I Wore My Ranty Pants Today; Meet the New Body Hate, Same as the Old Body Hate
- Jezebel [by Kate Harding], How One Woman’s Weight Loss Story Went Awry
- iVillage, Can Body Acceptance Make You Sick?
Hmm. I’m a bit conflicted. I’ve never really liked Jess Weiner’s writings although I am all about positive body image and self esteem.
The title on the article was horrible. Not going to the doctor for 16 years might kill you, but loving your body won’t.
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I don’t know. She has positioned herself well in media and a body acceptance/body love expert but everything I hear from her makes me think she really doesn’t get it at all. Maybe one day she will.
Also I wanted to say I love your post/response! I always enjoy your POV!
You’re absolutely right, that title really doesn’t make any sense. ‘Loving your body’, what a broad term. That could mean anything people want it to mean, and in fact, will mean different things to different people. What gets to me even more than this stuff though, is doctors basing health on weight. They told me I was overweight and that I should lose a bit. Funny, they didn’t bother to take my bust size into account, nor how well I look after myself and also avoid gluten like you do.
I can see both side, as well.
While, obviously, her story is valid because… well, because it’s her story, and everyone’s story is valid. But I hate how Glamour used really, really shady tactics and McCarthyism to hook their readers.
“…But when her doctor warned that her weight posed a health risk, she had to ask: Was her body acceptance making her sick? Could yours be?”
The “Could yours be?” angers me as much as any other part of the article.
I also get the sense from reading the article that her ideas on body acceptance stem from a bitterness relating to the “thin-obsessed culture.” I get a little wary when I hear people justify their self-love based on a rebellion against modern society’s ideals. Body Acceptance should stem from a desire to love your body, not be used as a weapon against a beauty ideal. Weapons are used until the opposition folds, and when that weapon is something so delicate and important as your own body, the potential to exhaust and destroy the “weapon” can harm you more than it could harm the beauty ideal. In some cases, it even validates it.
I agree with you, Lindsay, about the “could yours be?” part of the article. Of course a popular young woman’s magazine would position the article that way so women continue to buy X/Y/Z product or adopt celebrity A’s new workout dvd regimen to continue to be a slave to the media’s ideals of what is considered beautiful. It’s strange though-I’ve heard that Jess is a strong leader in the body acceptance movement-maybe she’s “selling out”, or just feeling conflicted within herself and her thoughts got distorted through the editing process? Either way, people will take her article too literally, and that is one step back from the whole Health at Every Size movement. WE need to keep pushing forward!
Thank you so much for your response to this article! You said what I’ve been saying for years and you said it beautifully and intelligently. That title was simply irresponsible and chosen for shock value..thank you for balancing it out with a voice of reason.
My “Fit vs Fiction” motto is and will always be: Self-Worth should not be measured in Pounds!”
Yes. Oh yes. This.
A.men. Sister. Thank you.
thank you for sharing this. i hadn’t read jess’s piece before now. i definitely agree that the biggest problem with it is the title & how it could be used as ammo against self acceptance. but i’m glad to hear you bring up the notion that loving/accepting your body and wishing to lose weight in an effort to feel better are NOT inherently conflicting ideas. i’ve been trying to get up the courage to write on that very topic lately & you’ve added to my inspiration. xoxo
Two months ago, I went to the doctor because I had been having horrible, worrisome stomach pain. An endoscopy revealed six ulcers. (My own abdominal six pack!) What has been weighing on me most? Read that literally: The fact that I was overweight and my attempts to lose weight just. weren’t. working. I was so upset it was literally eating me up inside. The ulcers were a BIG wake-up call. I added more fresh fruits and vegetables to my diet; not to lose weight, but to be healthy. I continued my work-outs but now to manage stress, rather than lose weight. I meditated and used creative visualization — not for a smaller dress size, but for a healthy stomach lining. And, serendipitiously, I discovered Medicinal Marzipan. (Mara, THANK YOU!! You are such a blessing to me!!) Today, I went for my follow-up endoscopy. The ulcers are GONE. No irritation. No inflammation in my stomach lining or my esophagus as there was before. Just pink, healthy tissue. I am not thinner but I AM healthier, because I nurtured my body instead of trying to beat it into submission. Loving your body will not kill you but loathing it will, one cell at a time.
Love this, MM. I have yet to comment publicly, not because I don’t have an opinion, but I’d rather not commit career suicide, as my career is still a baby.
I am happy that this topic is being discussed. And I love your eloquent post.
I am a thin person who competes in triathlons, eats well, get my annual pap smear, all that “healthy” stuff. And yet, if not medicated, my blood pressure is so high it would kill me. Just like it did my grandmother at age 52, my uncle at 48. But, looking at me, the world assumes I am healthy.
At the end of the day, Glamour is trying to sell magazines, hence the title. Ahhhh, America.
This would make for a really superb guest post if you were ever inclined to write one. Also, you’re so fabulous, I cannot imagine anything that you would ever say would translate into career suicide
Hmmm….I would love to. Not saying yes yet, just that I would love to. Will email you….
Thank you so much for pointing out this article. Not being a reader of Glamour- type magazines, it’s been a while since I’ve even thought about the ridiculous titles of the articles. But that’s how it is in that industry right?
Anyway-what I found really interesting was that the author was practicing this unconditional self love but all the while having a binge eating disorder. Did she think at the time that binging was loving herself?
MM, I really like your rational approach to self love. That’s why I keep on reading.
Thanks so much Wendy. I too am not much of a Glamour magazine type reader, but I thought that this article had so many profound ripple effects for our community and our global conception of self-love. Interesting that not many people have mentioned the binge eating disorder in this entire debate, but I agree that this a one facet of behavior that mitigates and complicates self-love. As someone who has been a compulsive eater for much of my life, I have found that one of the best tools to pull myself out of binge inducing behavior is to check in kindly with the inquiry – does this make you feel good? does this behavior show your body how much you love and respect it? what are you feeding right now? is there a better way? Thank you for bringing it up, it’s a crucial part of the conversation. xo