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Let the Healing Begin

You all know that I love a little Alexandra Franzen. I love her site. I love her words. I love her the things that she makes me think.

But, most of all? I loved this post. It’s ok.. you can skip on over and read it, I’ll wait.

Your unresolved stories are sick. More specifically — they’re making you sick.

Unresolved stories are like ancient poison. Not enough to kill you. Just enough to numb out your potential.

What’s your broken-record track?
What’s the ancient spiel your best friend or partner have long-since learned to tune out?
What’s the New Year’s resolution that garners a recurring spot, every year?
What’s gone on so long, it’s laughable? Ridiculous? Supremely unacceptable?

And what’s it going to take to tear that old story outta the book of your life, with a violent riiiii-iiiip?

Right off. Yeowch. Like a band-aid. It’s time. And a half.

Let the healing begin.

Now lets chat about those things that art tying you town. What IS it with those things? Why do they have so much pull in your life? Why is your identity so bound up in letting go of them?

It’s like you wouldn’t know who you were if you were to let them go.

Are you with me? It’s like, I were to finally _____________, I simply wouldn’t understand myself anymore. Insert the thing that has been on the top of your to do list for the last ten years.

For the majority of  my life lose weight was firmly ensconced in the number one spot on my PLANS FOR THIS WEEK/MONTH/YEAR/LIFETIME list. I wanted to lose weight above all else.

Because, of course, my life was going to begin once I was skinny, right?

Everyone was going to want to be my lover. I was going to wear the hottest outfits. I was going to shock and awe with my brilliance, because, of course, once I was skinny I would finally deserve the right to talk, out loud, to people other than my dad. Once I was skinny, my life was magically going to begin.

So then twenty years passed me by. Literally. And all that time I was busily holding my breath, waiting waiting waiting to become skinny and for my life to begin.

Finally, I realized I just had to throw that that entire believe system in the dumpster.

And you know what? It really fucking hurt. It was like I was nothing without my weight loss efforts. It was like I didn’t even know how to talk to people without making disparaging comments about my body to connect with them in our mutual self-loathing.

I should mention that I had other things on my list, like: run 3 miles, fall madly in love with someone and let them love me back, wear a bikini, perform on stage, get a tattoo, and be Liv Tyler from Empire Records for Halloween.

Would you believe me if I told you that all of these things hinged delicately on the first goal? The weight loss goal? Yep.

But once I threw that goal away, once I just decided that I wasn’t going to do that anymore, I started believing that I deserved things.

I wore a bikini.

I got a tattoo.

I had my own night at a dance club, as a hula-hoop go-go dancer, and I climbed up on top of a speaker and hooped for hours. A speaker. Seriously. Neverinmywildestdreams.

I fell in love. I got engaged. I let someone love me.

I ran three miles.

Once I permitted myself to be more than just the size of my body, my life started unfolding all around me, after 20 years of waiting.

What story is making you sick? What are you ready to let go of?

16 Comments to Let the Healing Begin

  1. November 4, 2011 at 8:07 am | Permalink

    I’m slowly starting to get ready to accept that I’m not going to have some eureka moment of realizing who I am and what I’m here to do.

    For years, I’ve been searching. Running away.

    Trying to accept the fact that I’m a wanderer. I’m always going to be searching. That is who I am, that is what I’m here for. It’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.

    Realizing this is setting me free.
    Marthe recently posted..How to make a dream come true in 30 daysMy Profile

  2. November 4, 2011 at 8:28 am | Permalink

    I love this. I so resonate with “wasting” so much time on waiting for that elusive thing that was going to make life fall into place.
    Hannah recently posted..Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy: Level 1My Profile

  3. November 4, 2011 at 12:08 pm | Permalink

    The biggest thing I’m trying to get over is the fear of making my dream of being an artist and writer a reality. I’ve been doing intense emotional work on this, and the story that’s running through my subconscious seems to be “There are millions of others trying to do the same thing. What makes you special?” and “If you fail, it will prove that you’re worthless.” Those are deep stories and they die hard. I’m trying to view to the first one not as a roadblock, but as an invitation to explore my work and myself. What makes me special?
    The second one is a demon that’s lived in my head all my life, and I’m trying to reprogram that into “My worth is inherently infinite. I’m worthwhile because I exist. I am not my work or my accomplishments.” and so forth.
    Thanks for posting this, I need a reminder that these stories are just that: Stories. Fiction.
    McKella recently posted..Handprint List Item and an AnnouncementMy Profile

  4. Alice Oates's Gravatar Alice Oates
    November 4, 2011 at 1:13 pm | Permalink

    I kind of had this sort of moment when I left school. I just had to sit myself down and say ‘okay stop waiting now, life isn’t just going to begin, life is NOW’. Of course weight loss has been top of my New Years resolutions since I was old enough to feel fat, and I’ve never got anywhere with it. It’s really hard to get out of just waiting for the next thing and when that happens, life will be awesome, right?

  5. November 4, 2011 at 1:47 pm | Permalink

    BRILLIANT!!! It’s funny…I do have a story that makes me sick and it requires a continual letting go. Just when I think I have…it pops back up. The good news is that the time in between gets longer and longer and, when it does pop back up, I am able to let it go more quickly. That’s where the magic lies.
    KCLAnderson (Karen) recently posted..Why Food Will Never Be *Just Fuel* To MeMy Profile

  6. November 4, 2011 at 5:06 pm | Permalink

    Oh my gosh. This makes total sense. I just sat here for a minute and pieced everything together–I think my main story is wanting to come across as “the one who has it altogether”, which has only backfired on me in various ways. First, it was wanting to be thin. Then it was wanting to always seem positive, therefore pushing down my feelings with food instead of letting them out.

    AWESOME posts. Thank you.
    Julia H. @ The Petite Spiel recently posted..intuitive eating, weight loss, & back againMy Profile

  7. November 4, 2011 at 7:52 pm | Permalink

    Oh, sweet banana peppers!

    So honored & humbled that my post resonated so deeply.

    And fuck YES — nothing you want to be (or create) hinges on your weight. Good gravy. So thrilled you came to that conclusion, and started living full-tilt.


    :: A

  8. November 4, 2011 at 10:56 pm | Permalink

    sometimes those unresolved stories…they just want to be heard. and sometimes we are the only ones who will listen. for me, learning to listen and sometimes just sitting in silence to honor the truths they tell me has been both the hardest thing and the most rewarding.

    thanks for this wisdom.
    rain recently posted..labyrinthMy Profile

  9. November 8, 2011 at 2:54 pm | Permalink

    Great post, thank you so much for sharing. This is a definite FB share for my participants as so many people, and I’ve been there, are waiting for their life to begin “When I just _______ “. It’s time to quiet those voices as the time is NOW. It’s time for a new, empowering story.

  10. Cheryl's Gravatar Cheryl
    November 22, 2011 at 3:20 am | Permalink

    Stories that makes me sick is the gossip here and there… Sometimes you can be the subject of people who are not doing their own business. Thanks for sharing…
    Cheryl recently posted..get back exMy Profile

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I’m Mara Glatzel. I’m an intuitive coach and writer. I guide women home to themselves and teach them to create lives brimming with supreme self-care. read more
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