One time I was at a conference, and a girl said to me:
Ohhh you’re that Marzipan girl. I’ve been to your site. Very dark stuff. Good, I mean, but very dark.
I started writing Medicinal Marzipan with the express goal of getting the words that were boiling up in my body out from beneath my skin and into the most loving container that I could create. I started out slowly, timidly. I had no readers at the time, but I was afraid that the internet itself would reject my words back to me.
And tell me to try again. To be better. To work harder.
To pull my shit together and shellac over my wobbly bits.
I went to grad school where my absolute favorite teacher told me I was too smart to waste my time on therapy lite, in reference to everything that I had built here and my belief that self-love and authentic living was at the core. I was told that social workers just don’t have twitter accounts.
I was told to pack it up and shut it down if I ever wanted to make it professionally.
Medicinal Marzipan was referred to as my “googling problem,” as in, when you google me, things show up.
Because therapists are supposed to be blank slates. We aren’t supposed to have our own thoughts or words or history. It is supposed to be about the client. Apparently, it can’t be about the client when the client can google you and read your life story. I just don’t believe that is true.
Remaining strong and certain in the face of all of this has been one of the hardest things that I have ever done.
There was a little, teensy voice in my heart that said:
This is who you are. This is what you’ve built. This is the first place in your life that you can be yourself, 100%. This is your life’s work.
You know, I’ve been spending a lot of time lately thinking about who My People are, considering what they (you) need from me, and what I can do to give more of myself, more often, in the best way for me.
I have worked hard to figure out how to show up for you, what to share, and what to hold back.
I have decided this: no bullshit, no lies, full disclosure – just like it has always been.
Truthfully, for me, there is no other way.
There are many days when I feel in awe of the community that has come together around this site. I am so unbelievably grateful to each and every one of you that has stopped by here to take a second to think about how you, and we collectively, can love ourselves harder, dream bigger, and live more expansively.
Also, I’m proud of you. It’s true, sometimes things around here are dark, often, but you know what? I love the dark parts of our existence. I am in my element when the cracks in the wall start to show, and everything is threatening to fall apart completely.
I love dismantling, taking stock, and rebuilding from the ground up. It makes me feel tingly and wild and earth-shatteringly clear.
I believe that we are better for it.
I also believe that it would be absolutely impossible for me to yammer on at length about living your best life, if I wasn’t walking the walk. So here we go, I am plunging in head first. There will be some changes around here in the coming months, but nothing scary, just more of what I know in my heart I have to offer the world.
No tricks, no lies, no frightening sales tactics – just love, for myself and for you.
You want to work together? I would love to coach you. Or collaborate with you. Or build something beautiful with you.
You know where to find me.