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They Told Me To Lie To You, But I Knew You Could Handle The Truth

One time I was at a conference, and a girl said to me:

Ohhh you’re that Marzipan girl. I’ve been to your site. Very dark stuff.  Good, I mean, but very dark.

I started writing Medicinal Marzipan with the express goal of getting the words that were boiling up in my body out from beneath my skin and into the most loving container that I could create. I started out slowly, timidly. I had no readers at the time, but I was afraid that the internet itself would reject my words back to me.

And tell me to try again. To be better. To work harder.

To pull my shit together and shellac over my wobbly bits.

I went to grad school where my absolute favorite teacher told me I was too smart to waste my time on therapy lite, in reference to everything that I had built here and my belief that self-love and authentic living was at the core. I was told that social workers just don’t have twitter accounts.

I was told to pack it up and shut it down if I ever wanted to make it professionally.

Medicinal Marzipan was referred to as my “googling problem,” as in, when you google me, things show up.

Because therapists are supposed to be blank slates. We aren’t supposed to have our own thoughts or words or history. It is supposed to be about the client. Apparently, it can’t be about the client when the client can google you and read your life story. I just don’t believe that is true.

Remaining strong and certain in the face of all of this has been one of the hardest things that I have ever done.

There was a little, teensy voice in my heart that said:

This is who you are. This is what you’ve built. This is the first place in your life that you can be yourself, 100%. This is your life’s work.

You know, I’ve been spending a lot of time lately thinking about who My People are, considering what they (you) need from me, and what I can do to give more of myself, more often, in the best way for me.

I have worked hard to figure out how to show up for you, what to share, and what to hold back.

I have decided this: no bullshit, no lies, full disclosure – just like it has always been.

Truthfully, for me, there is no other way.

There are many days when I feel in awe of the community that has come together around this site. I am so unbelievably grateful to each and every one of you that has stopped by here to take a second to think about how you, and we collectively, can love ourselves harder, dream bigger, and live more expansively.

Also, I’m proud of you. It’s true, sometimes things around here are dark, often, but you know what? I love the dark parts of our existence. I am in my element when the cracks in the wall start to show, and everything is threatening to fall apart completely.

I love dismantling, taking stock, and rebuilding from the ground up. It makes me feel tingly and wild and earth-shatteringly clear.

I believe that we are better for it.

I also believe that it would be absolutely impossible for me to yammer on at length about living your best life, if I wasn’t walking the walk. So here we go, I am plunging in head first. There will be some changes around here in the coming months, but nothing scary, just more of what I know in my heart I have to offer the world.

No tricks, no lies, no frightening sales tactics – just love, for myself and for you.

You want to work together? I would love to coach you. Or collaborate with you. Or build something beautiful with you.

You know where to find me.

9 Comments to They Told Me To Lie To You, But I Knew You Could Handle The Truth

  1. Alice's Gravatar Alice
    May 8, 2012 at 10:16 am | Permalink

    I completely agree with everything you’ve said here. I mean, apart from anything, who really wants to work with someone completely anonymous who may as well just be a textbook?

  2. May 8, 2012 at 10:18 am | Permalink

    I have to say, I’ve worked with three therapists. The one that I’m really connecting with, and breaking down walls that have been hiding me for so long? She’s the one that self-discloses the most. I know she’s real. I know she believes in me. I’ve gotten so much from all three. But… I have to say self-disclosure makes me know that I’m not alone.

  3. koshinka's Gravatar koshinka
    May 8, 2012 at 10:27 am | Permalink

    Your post made me think of this wonderful quote.

    “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.” —Leonard Cohen

  4. May 8, 2012 at 1:41 pm | Permalink

    I am a social worker myself and I totally agree that self-disclosure actually helps the therapy/healing process. I was always taught that it’s important to let some of yourself out while making sure it’s still about the client/patient. Some people do screw this up but I think you have a great balance! :)

  5. Irina Long's Gravatar Irina Long
    May 8, 2012 at 6:31 pm | Permalink

    I heard somewhere a long time ago that if you wish for someone to open up and be vulnerable to you, you have to be vulnerable and real also. I’m glad you stood up for what you believed in.

  6. diana nichols's Gravatar diana nichols
    May 8, 2012 at 9:13 pm | Permalink

    Without the dark, there is no light…. I’m a nurse and a diabetic and have shared this when I’m teaching patients about diabetes or diet . I usually don’t mention my own health information until I’ve already been talking with them for a while and heard some of their “yes, buts..” and excuses. When I share my own health history and journey and how I do understand, there is a definite shift in the conversation. They know I’ve come through the same journey, and that seems to give them the belief that it isn’t impossible and what I’m saying can work. I was working out at the gym recently and had this very same thing happen when a woman asked me if working out in the pool was good for weight loss. We take for granted sometimes the knowledge and experience we have and that there are people out there that need to learn but believe by following an example.

    Also, we are a world of opinions and internet tech and apps. Those that don’t
    keep up will not thrive. I think you are on the right track.

  7. May 9, 2012 at 8:48 pm | Permalink

    Mara, that’s awesome that you decided to stay true to yourself. It’s so hard to do that when other people, including a professional you really admire, suggests you take another approach. When I was in my clinical psych program, I’d also hear about the importance of not revealing any personal info about yourself. But you know what? Everyone has a different approach. Thanks for reminding us about the importance of figuring out who we are, what we want and then going for it.

  8. Dominee's Gravatar Dominee
    May 11, 2012 at 9:12 am | Permalink

    Beautiful and well said!

  9. June 2, 2012 at 7:45 pm | Permalink

    Wow, this is so wonderful. As an undergrad who’s soon going on to get a higher degree of some sort and become a therapist–and as someone who also blogs about some dark stuff–this really rings true for me. I hope I manage to find a way through it like you have.

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Welcome! I’m Mara.

I’m Mara Glatzel. I’m an intuitive coach and writer. I guide women home to themselves and teach them to create lives brimming with supreme self-care. read more
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