One of my favorite things to ask my clients is:
If one of your best, most beloved, friends was feeling that way, what would you tell them?
I love to ask this, because sometimes the answers are surprising – filled with actions to be taken framed in loving sweetness. You know, when you someone too well to bullshit them or tell them oh no, just keep doing that – I’m sure it will work out fine in the end.
My two best friends are my sisters, and sometimes, out of love, the advice I give them sounds a lot like – pull your shit together.
This morning, I woke up with my head feeling cloudy from a week of celebration after months and months of stress and anxiety leading up to the wedding. During this time, I permitted a lot of faux being sweet to myself activities, which included, ahem, allowing myself to go on for days without moving my body a single inch, eating pretty much whatever was in front me without any semblance of structure or oversight, and sleeping erratically from 3am until whenever I woke up.
Yes, of course, there was a lot going on. Yes, of course, I had bigger fish to fry.
I haven’t been walking my walk.
I have been using this celebration to mask my tendency, when in a state of heightened overwhelm, to drift towards emotional and compulsive eating and lethargy. And this is a pattern that I know very, very well.
The amazing thing about loving yourself and being in control of your own life, is that I am able to wake up this morning, hold a bit of a state of the union conversation with myself – totally honest, totally loving, and decide that today, I am going to take some steps back in the direction of how to keep myself feeling like myself.
The truth is – when we ignore our body’s needs, we aren’t being sweet to ourselves – we are letting our overwhelm, fear, and, for me, addictions run the show. And it isn’t body hatred when we remind ourselves, gently, that we aren’t acting in our own best interest.
Approach yourself like you would someone that you love – with compassion and unabashed frankness.
You deserve nothing but the most gorgeous and unadulterated truth.
Let yourself have it, and bask in the awe of how well you’ve gotten to know your own needs.
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And, just because, a little sisters-at-the-wedding photo. xoxo
I like this post! I definitely have a tendency to let unhealthy behaviors masquerade as self-care. I think keeping an eye on that and remembering the real definition of self care is really important.
I think if I had a best friend, I’d totally permit her a week of being an absolute bum. Sometimes that clears your head out, or lets you relax and just ignore your obligations for a while so you can recover. Vacations and celebrations are good.
http://goo.gl/qnyPw
What a great post. I love to pull that card when friends are talking shit about themselves… and say “hey, you’re talking about my friend there! be nice!” I gotta also remember to take the same damn advice
Thanks for role-modeling it, lady!
It took me a long time to realize that laying around, watching tv and eating junk food weren’t the things that made me feel good. Sticking to a normal sleep schedule, exercising and eating well does much more for my well being than those “faux sweet” activities. Love the post!
I totally have used this line “what if it were me in this situation, would it be ok then?” and “what if I was talking smack about myself, what would you think?”
But it blew up in my face once, “you say things like this about yourself all the time…” oops! I guess I need to think before I talk (to myself).
I absolutely love this post, and it’s something I struggle with a lot when I get stressed out or busy. Coming up with excuses to “treat myself”, even though deep down I know in the end my “treats” will only leave me more stressed our and feeling worse about myself and everything that’s going on. Thank you for the reminder.