Why? Because tending to what you need allows you more of what you want.
The moment I realized no one was going to save me from my own burnout was ordinary.
It was a moment when I walked through the door, dead on my feet, and said, “I can’t listen to another word. All I want to do is sit here, eat dinner, and zone out to the TV.”
I didn’t have the energy to talk, have sex, or do any of the things that I used to enjoy. Exhausted from navigating grad school courses, work, and a relationship on the brink of falling apart, I couldn’t hold it together anymore.
Beyond the logistics of my overflowing schedule, it felt like no matter how hard I tried, I was failing. I was always late. I hated my just grabbed this from the vending machine body. I was behind, everywhere.
Because I was looking for it, I found evidence for my lack of self-worth everywhere, and because I didn’t see myself as worthy, I didn’t make my needs a priority.
I was terrified of being rejected for being, wanting, or requiring too much. You are too needy, I would tell myself for simply having needs. It’s embarrassing. You’re weak.
I believed that my needs were a burden. I believed that if I voiced those needs aloud or stopped being productive, I would be rejected by those I loved.
And yet, it seemed like everyone around me was drinking cold-pressed green juices and making it to yoga. I was embarrassed by how basic my problems felt and was desperate for a community that could help me feel less selfish or lonely as I tried to take better care of myself.
I thought: Everyone else has this figured out. What’s wrong with me? I never feel satisfied. I don’t have the time, energy, or money to do anything that would actually make me feel better.
It was an ordinary moment, but it was the moment I decided that I’d had enough. I’d had enough of feeling broken, burnt out, and resentful. Of feeling like a second-class citizen in my own life. Of pawning my needs off on everyone around me and feeling pissed off when they failed to come through, again. I wanted my life back.
So I decided, instead, to try to tend to myself as if I was worth tending to.
I began to meet my needs with three minutes a day. By closing the door of the bathroom for 3 minutes while I flossed my teeth and washed my face. For those 3 minutes, I gave myself the permission to take care of myself without returning emails or checking my calendar.
What started with 3 minutes soon became 15. It blossomed into reading for pleasure and leaving work when I was no longer paid to be there. What started with protecting those initial 3 minutes grew into asking for what I needed out loud even when I was afraid to upset someone.
What started with those 3 minutes changed everything.
I am calling together a circle of women.
Women who can’t seem to stop putting everyone else’s needs ahead of their own. Women who feel selfish asking for what they want. Women who have been trying to do it alone, but are hungry for support and community.
This circle is for you, if…
You still don’t have a sustainable plan for taking care of yourself, no matter how many e-courses you’ve taken, books you’ve read, or quick fixes that you’ve tried.
You are two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches short of an emotional breakdown, but still feel guilty asking your partner for help.
You are pissed off (again) because your boundaries have been trampled on (again), and are tired of waiting for the people in your life to magically know what you need.
Here’s the thing: You are allowed.
You are allowed to have needs. Wanting to have those needs met doesn’t make you too much, selfish, or needy.
You are not too sensitive, and your needs are neither silly nor trivial.
Your needs matter and it is possible to meet them on a consistent, daily basis.
Your needs matter, but they won’t matter to anyone else unless they matter to you.
What if you were easily able to trust yourself to know what you needed?
What if you were able to rest and not feel guilty?
What if you were able to bravely meet your needs, without worrying what anyone might think?
What if you were able to make a sustainable habit out of feeling nourished, rested, and lit-up?
When you believe that your needs matter (and you stop pushing yours to the bottom of your to-do list), you are able to identify, honor, and advocate for them with ease and grace.
When you believe your needs matter, you will finally be able to get your needs met.
Your relationship with yourself will flourish. You will feel stronger and more confident in your ability to have your own back.
You will feel taken care of, and you will be — by yourself.
It is not too late. You are not too broken. The quality of your life is not a foregone conclusion.
I know that society tells you that in order to be successful you have to work harder, be better, look perfect, and keep your pesky and distracting needs on the back burner.
(Unless, of course, meeting them makes you thinner, prettier, or more successful. Obviously.)
Our culture reinforces the message that your self worth depends on denying your needs in order to keep moving, performing, and producing, no matter what. That, as a woman, your goodness is found in your ability to endlessly give care without requiring anything in return.
You already know how unsustainable that way of living is.
Over the last eight years, I have worked with hundreds of women to help them create lives brimming with more ease, rest, and real self-care.
The result of this work is a growing community of women who are taking delicious care of themselves. Women who are connecting with themselves and one another about the things that light them up, instead of bemoaning their busy schedules or comparing mountainous to-do lists.
Women who have the energy to love their lives again.
It is not your job to sacrifice yourself to become more likable. To tuck your needs aside to make the lives of those around you easier.
Your job is to take care of yourself, so that you can dedicate your time and energy to the projects, people, and adventures that make your life worth living.
Would you like to join this circle and learn to honor your most basic and sacred needs?
Working with Mara feels like always having someone in your corner, someone you can rely on if things fall apart. I can trust her to both validate my feelings and push me towards truth–she’s loving and permissive but not indulgent, and I love that. – Brenda Errichiello
Tend is a 9-month circle for women who are ready to have their needs met.
You will receive…
- Access to the private Tend Facebook group
- Weekly lessons to encourage & inspire you
- Office hours to receive support & ask questions
- Exclusive interviews with brilliant women
- Virtual video gatherings to connect live
- Monthly energy work to support your healing
Plus surprises, virtual healing ceremonies, and opportunities to book 1:1 sessions with me at a special Tend-only price.
Tend is an online tribe for brilliant caregivers and intuitive feelers who suspect that they deserve to receive a little (or a lot) of the energy, time, attention, understanding, and love that they so readily give to others.
Over the course of our 9 months together, you can expect to receive tools, body-based practices, powerful community support, and a plan for real (bullshit-free) self-care rooted in fierce respect and gentle boundaries that protects not only your physical body but your emotional, mental, and spiritual bodies as well.
When you are wholly supported, you feel deeply rooted and confident in your own ability to take care of yourself no matter what the situation or circumstance you find yourself in.
Each month we will focus on a different theme related to identifying, honoring, and advocating for your needs.
October: I am safe
- What do I need?
- Identifying needs & trusting that what I need is OK
- Valuing myself & knowing that my needs matter
- Guest teacher: Dyana Valentine
November: I am rested
- Saying no
- Being proactive with acknowledging needs before I’m burnt out
- How to stop feeling guilty & let go of what others think
- Guest teacher: Sas Petherick
December: I am wholly supported
- Concrete skills & strategies for ensuring that needs are met
- How meeting my needs is vital to truly taking care of those I love
- Meeting my needs without explaining, justifying, or apologizing
- Guest teacher: Alisha Sommer
January: I have permission to begin again
- Getting to know my needs even more intimately
- Overcoming the barriers that keep me from honoring my needs
- Uncovering my deep-seated beliefs about needs
- Guest teacher: Anna Guest-Jelley
February: I am aligned with my highest potential
- Permission to change your mind
- Holding the structure & how to carve out space for everything
- Conflicting needs & prioritizing what I need most
- Guest teacher: Lizzie Swartz
March: I trust myself
- What anger & resentment teach me about my needs
- Balancing your needs with other people’s expectations
- Following through & creating flexible habits
- Guest teacher: Olwen Wilson
April: I am loved
- Meeting my needs no matter what the social setting
- How to ask for what I need in a way that is empowering
- How to navigate & create healthy boundaries
- Guest teacher: Molly Mahar
May: I belong to myself first and foremost
- Belonging to myself first
- Navigating my responsibilities to myself vs. responsibilities to others
- What to do when other people brush me off or try to fix me
- Guest teacher: Nona Jordan
June: I celebrate my whole self
- Feeling comfortable taking up the space
- How to advocate for myself the way that I advocate for others
- Acknowledging & celebrating my growth
- Guest teacher: Annika Martins
Tend is grounded in the knowledge that, when you are well cared for, you are able to make decisions more easily, show up and be of service in the way that you want to, and feel good in your skin.
Tend is about standing in integrity as you ask for what you need from the people who are closest to you.
(Because asking for what you need is the only way to get what you want.)
Tend is for women who notice their lack of self-care is spilling over into every aspect of their lives, leaving them feeling reactive, angry, and disconnected from their creativity.
Tend is for women with big plans. Women who are craving a supportive inner circle to connect with. Women who want to care for their needs in a way that is instinctual and intuitive.
But mostly, Tend is about prioritizing your relationship with yourself, so that you have inner fortitude to live the way that you want to — whether that’s traveling around the world, chasing your babies through a sprinkler, or curling up with a vampire novel for the afternoon without guilt.
Tend will be back Fall 2017
Want to join us next time? Sign-up below to be first to know when doors open again.
Why I Created Tend
My name is Mara Glatzel and I am an intuitive coach and energy worker.
I am a woman who is hungry for growth, restoration, adventure, inspired action, ambition, messy edges, and improper conversation.
But, I have also been the martyr, giving hour after hour without respite. I have brushed offers of help aside, because asking for what I needed felt more difficult than going without. I have raged, tears running down my face, as I have attempted to remember my own value. I have waited for others to affirm my goodness and grant me permission to treat myself kindly. I have believed that nothing counts if it isn’t externally recognized, validated.
I know now that I can only be of service to others if I am well tended to. I can only be of service to myself if I am well tended to.
It is because I know this struggle intimately that I am devoted to creating safe, brave spaces for women to gather in truth and hunger.
My intuitive coaching is a combination of skills gleaned from a Masters in Clinical Social Work, energy healing tools acquired through working with the Crystalline Consciousness Technique (CCT), Reiki, and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), and bits of brilliance that I’ve picked up learning how to live my own life with intention and unshakable self-worth.
I have done this work. I continue to do this work. And, I want to invite you to gather with me to do this work together.
Sacredly pragmatic, grounding, messy, and intimate, tending to your needs is the practice of reinvesting yourself in the routines and rituals that sustain you.
Moving your hips. Flossing your teeth. Speaking your truth. Drinking enough water. Allowing yourself to be fully seen. Receiving. Connecting offline. Wiping down the counters. Finding your breath. Letting love in. Doing the laundry.
It is the practice of recognizing the value of your own inherent worth and value that you are able to offer the world when you are well taken care of.
It is a practice that I am committed to, no matter how many times I get lost.
I’m ready to guide your way.
Your Questions, Answered
When will the live calls be?
Wednesday, October 26 at 7:30 pm, Sunday, November 20 at 1 pm, Wednesday, December 28 at 7:30 pm, Sunday, January 22 at 1 pm, Wednesday, February 15 at 7:30 pm, Sunday, March 19 at 1 pm, Wednesday, April 26 at 7:30 pm, Sunday, May 21 at 1 pm, and Wednesday, June 28 at 7:30 pm
The video calls will take place on an online platform, meaning that you will need a computer and a high-speed internet connection to take part. These calls will be a mix of teaching and question answering, with opportunities to deepen your connection with our group.
Monthly calls will be recorded and sent out after we wrap, so don’t worry if you have to miss out.
Do I have time for this? What’s the time commitment?
The #1 reason that your needs aren’t being met right now is because you, for a myriad of honest, real, and vulnerable reasons, are not making them a priority.
In Tend, I will give you the tools necessary to change that reality, while supporting you as do the work. On average, this work will take a couple of hours a week to engage with.
That said, I think that it is unrealistic to expect yourself to give 100% to your work here every single week for the duration of 9 months. Change comes in fits and starts, and sometimes you will need to take breaks to absorb the big work that you are doing. This offering is designed to challenge and inspire you, but it is also padded with ample integration time.
Give yourself the permission to show up in a way that works for you.
Am I being selfish if I want my needs to be met?
Do you think that being selfish is bad?
To be selfish means to be chiefly concerned with one’s own profit or pleasure, a concept that we will be playing with during our time together. But, for now, let’s start here: wanting your needs to be met isn’t greedy, but human. It is only by creating an environment where you are well tended to that you will actually be able to be of service to others, and often more frequently and with greater reliability than ever before.
Your desire to be better taken care of does not indicate a lack of respect, love, or appreciation for what you have or the people in your life. In fact, it is the exact opposite. We only want more when we care about the outcome or trajectory forward. We only want more when we are invested in what happens next.
When it comes from a place of vulnerability and truth, your hunger is a testament to how much you care about the quality of your life. That is your job, entrusted to you at birth. The responsibility for your quality of life is yours alone, and that responsibility is fueled by both our self-preservation and our desire.
I’ve done everything and nothing has worked – can you guarantee that this will work for me?
As with everything, you will get out what you put into this course. I cannot want it more than you do, nor can I do the work for you. You have to want it. You have to be willing to make yourself uncomfortable. You have to be willing to try to do things differently.
That said, I believe that permission is contagious. I believe that when we pause to really start to take care of ourselves in the way that we are craving, we start to feel really good – and feeling really good begins to take on a life of its own.
This is a practice. I can promise you this – you will not ever do this perfectly. You are human. You will get lost in being busy. But Tend will give you the insight, tools, and bravery to return to every time you notice that you are deeply needing your own tender care. And I will be there to light the way and pull you up, dust you off, and remind you of who you are and what you are worth as many times as you need to hear it.
What will I need to participate in this group?
To participate in Tend, you need will need a computer with a high-speed internet connection, an email account, and the desire to begin. The course content will be delivered in audio, video, and email formal.
The format for each month’s content will be as follows…
Week 1: Receive – The lesson that will ground our learning for the month
Week 2: Practice – A tool, practice, or ritual to help you embody that month’s lesson
Week 3: Deepen – A conversation with guest teacher & writing prompts to dig deeper
Week 4: Integrate – Time to catch up, relax & connect within the Facebook group
Additionally, much of our online circling will occur on Facebook. Though it is not required that you join us there, it is highly, highly recommended, as the supportive group environment will truly enhance your experience of the course.
How does the payment plan work?
If you choose the payment plan, your payments will be automatically deducted from your account monthly on the day that you originally signed up, for a total of ten payments including your original purchase. For example, if you signed up on September 27th, your payments would be automatically deducted each month thereafter on the 27th.
What if something comes up and I need extra support?
At the beginning of each month, I will open up a couple of extra 1:1 sessions just for Tend participants. If you’re jonesing for an extra layer of support at any point, but don’t want to go full throttle and get 1:1 support through the whole program, you will have an opportunity to scoop one of these up on a first-come, first-served basis.
Even if I can begin to make more time for taking care of myself, I have a lot of people in my life who won’t accept it or will try to make me feel guilty about it. Will this class teach me how to deal with that?
This is a topic that we will address at length. During Tend, we will talk about strategies for being heard, clear communication, and setting boundaries, but ultimately you are the one who has to decide to stand up for yourself. You get to choose how and when to do this, and most importantly, to do it in a way that is compassionate towards yourself.
The truth is, you are the only one who has to live in your life. Those voices may be very, very loud, and you may have many layers of disbelief and undeserving to excavate in order to feel comfortable resting.
And that can be hard. But it is seriously worth it.
What if I’m scared?
It’s okay to be scared. In fact, you can be both afraid and ready at the same time. Often we feel fear before we embark on something truly great, because we know that if we proceed forward, we will be asked to change. Changing can be a scary prospect, particularly if you have been operating the same way for quite some time.
I cannot promise that this work won’t be scary, but I can promise to support you, virtually holding your hand as you show up here in service to having your needs met. And, I can promise that in my experience, support makes all of the difference.
Honestly, prioritizing rest feels lazy. And weak.
This class is for you.
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and I would be happy to answer them for you.
My relationship with my needs used to be very confusing and stressful. I had a lot of difficulty accessing them, and I was barely acknowledging them or having them met. Since our work together, I have been able to better identify my core needs, and I feel less guilty or negative about honoring them. Mara’s rapid-fire processing and ability to take very big ideas and break them down into easy and practical ways to implement them is beyond compare. – Anna Toonk
Here’s the thing. Your needs matter and it is your job to meet them.
Meeting them doesn’t have to be horrible. It can in fact be pleasurable, particularly when you have a supportive crew of women at your back to hold you up and cheer you on.
Ultimately, meeting your needs is what gives you the energy and strength to show up for your life.
If that resonates with you, I would love for you to join us.
Tend will be back Fall 2017
Want to join us next time? Sign-up below to be first to know when doors open again.