The Official Marzipan Guide: Long Distance Relationships

November 19, 2010

There has been a lot of chatter around here, both on MM and on Twitter, about long distance relationships – How to make them work? DO they work in the first place? Are there tricks to making them work better? What if you are just not cut out for long distance relationships; are you a bad person?

Love hurts...

photo by xanetia

The short answer is: Yes I believe long distance relationships work. And, no, they are not for everyone – and that does not make you a bad person.

If you’ve been kicking around for a while and are an official Marzipanling, you know that Casa de Marzipan is pretty fragmented right now – I have started school and relocated to Boston, MA and my sweetheart is still occupying our little waterside love shack two hours away. Could it be worse? Yes. Do we still get to see one another? Yes. Is this arrangement totally awesome? Nope.

However, you know that I love me a little silver lining..

The Benefits of a Long Distance Relationship:

  • I always felt like I needed space to roam around, even in a committed relationship, because I’m just not very good at getting stuff done when there is smooching to do instead. Or romantic dinner dating. Or sitting around a staring into one another’s eyes. Sometimes I require space to do the work to accomplish my goals.
  • I love knowing that I can trust someone enough that they don’t have to be in front of my face all the time, and I don’t have to worry. For me, this is somewhat of an important indicator for the health of the relationship. If I am able to trust them (and myself) enough to be apart? Relationship win.
  • The reunion? Oh, the reunion is so, so good. And you know, sometimes it’s not; sometimes it’s a rough transition with a lot of bickering and getting used to one another again. My advice? Have sex immediately. Seriously. It takes care of a lot of that bickering. If you don’t have sex? Umm… Make out first? Or, do whatever-it-is-that-you-feel-comfortable-doing first?
  • The romance! Ah! I love, I mean really LOVE, a good love-letter. Bonus points if it is hand written. Time apart allows you to all of that sexy, sweet, amazing note writing that you never knew you always needed. It is majorly romantic, and I eat that shit up.
  • I really, truly, 100% believe that being in a long distance relationship helps you get to another level in your relationship (for good of for worse – sometimes you won’t like what you see, but that stuff was going to rear it’s ugly head sooner or later). It forces you to be outside of your comfort-zone, where your sexy beau can no longer glamour you with their charms. It’s hard, but in a good way, in a: your relationship just got 100x more intimate and real way.

The Tenets of a Successful Long Distance Relationship:

    • Absolutely number ONE: consider whether or not you even WANT to be in a long distance relationship, and give it some serious thought. Some people just hate this sort of arrangement – and that’s OK. It is not for everyone and there should be no shame or judgement in deciding that it’s just not for you.
    • Work out a schedule that works for you, for BOTH of you. Say that I feel most loved when I am checked in with throughout the course of the day with quick texts and phone calls, but my beau’s style is more like a long, soulful conversation every couple of days. Who is right? How do we proceed? Think honestly about your style and about what will make you feel secure and safe and loved, and then? Communicate those findings honestly to your significant other. This may not always feel comfortable, but it is crucial.
Completing Love

photo by shiyazuni

  • The small things matter. Send a little package, flowers, a card, a drunken poem scrawled on the back of a bar napkin. Now, the new “modern” way of doing this is posting something cute on your beau’s Facebook wall or something of the like BUT I am willing to argue that this is in fact less cute. I am willing to argue that going through the effort of going to the post office makes me feel really good.
  • Be honest. It might not be easy to hear this kind of honesty over the phone. It might make all of your insecurities flair up and really freak you out. But, if you want your relationship to succeed, honesty is the best policy. The easiest way to put your partner on the defensive is to be sneaking around because you know you won’t get caught – different zip codes baby! Yeah, well, it’s all fun and games until your partner (who by the way, likely knows you pretty well) starts reading between the lines. NOTHING like a long distance phone blowout. This is to be avoided.

Most of all, please don’t despair. Long distance relationships are not all doom and gloom. They often can include playful and sexy elements, and likely? Being in one has the potential to enhance your relationship in so many ways.

How do you keep things hot and heavy in a long distance relationship? Tricks? Tips?

You know we’ve just GOT to know. xoxo

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