There is Nothing Wrong With You (& Working My Way Out of a Job)

February 25, 2016

No one knows you better than you know yourself. 

You may have lost this connection along the way.

You may have buried your inner wisdom in the catacombs of your skin.

You may do your very best to avoid the truths that lurk behind corners only to pop out at you when you aren’t properly distracted by keeping yourself very, very busy.

You may have disconnected with yourself at some point, because the stories lies that you had been telling yourself about who you are and what you have to offer the world were too painful to bare.

Without this connection, you might feel small and lonely and useless when it comes to making your big life decisions about who you are and what you want and what you should do next.

The spark of this knowing remains no matter how many times you have tried to put it out. 

But, when you are in that space of feeling weak and vulnerable, there are many antidotes available to you. The quick fixes and gurus and shiny plans that line your path, eager to bewilder you and divert your attention away from your own inner truth again and again.

If I walk back through time in my head, I can feel my own grabby hands clammy with the anticipation of these promises. I can feel the gravitational pull in my gut toward anyone in the room who felt bigger and stronger than me to latch onto.

I can feel how much I wanted those fixes to work.

This will be the time. This will fill that hole in me. This will remedy whatever is wrong with me. 

I can feel how those fixes felt like my lifeline, because I was consistently telling myself that I was a lost cause without it.

These weren’t resources that built me up, filling my cracks like a balm and warming my heart. 

These were resources that told me again and again that I was broken so that I could be sold a fix. 

Another diversion.

Another layer of cement over what I knew in my heart to be true.

Another voice telling me to distance myself from my own unique way of being in the world.

I want to write about this again and again, because I want you to know your own power.

I want you to know that there is a huge difference between signing up for something because it calls to you and because the idea of it leaves you giddy and breathless… and signing up for something because you believe you won’t be whole without it.

I want you to know that knowing who you are or what you want for your life isn’t privileged information held by a few, but that you can have access to this wisdom anytime you need it.

I want to write about this again and again, because I want you to know that you already have everything that you need. 

You may desire guidance from someone you trust to help you access it.

You might want to dance in your mastery of a topic by exploring it more deeply.

You may even stand in your truth and know that there are places where your own inner resources are lacking – and reach out for support in learning the tools that will help you better tend to yourself.

It is absolutely human to not have all of the answers and give yourself ample permission to take part in whatever lights you up and helps further you down your path.

I am not advocating that you give up the supports and resources that fill you to the brim with hope and joy.

But, these are acts of self-love and not self-hate.

They bring you closer to yourself.

They illuminate the pieces of your own nature that you’ve been wanting to reconnect with.

They allow you to see yourself – and all of your brilliant, whole, goodness – more clearly, so that you cultivate a balanced image of yourself in your own mind.

An act of self-hate is different, because the yearning for it is born out of your not-enough-ness.

And your feelings of not-enough-ness are instigated by packaging of the solution offered. 

It is meant to create a dependency. It is intended to further suppress your connection to your divine nature.

It is designed to keep you buying.

As a human who is in the business of creating experiences and invitations that facilitate growth, this distinction is really important to me.

Don’t get me wrong. I offer courses and coaching and retreats. I curate opportunities to help you get closer to yourself. But, the my purpose in creating these opportunities is to work my way out of a job.

I see you standing on your own two feet and looking into your own heart for guidance.

I see you telling yourself the truth.

I see you safe in the feeling of belonging to yourself.

I see you trusting yourself implicitly.

I believe that you have everything that you need. 

You may want to ask for help unlocking it.

You may need a nudge and a loving dose of reminders that you already have the permission that you’re looking for.

You may simply enjoy participating in the community that gathers here.

But, here in this space, I approach creating these opportunities by grounding into the deep knowing that there is nothing wrong with you. 

When you sit down to make a purchase, you are the only one who is going to be able to know which experience you are having. You are the only one who is going to know whether your choices are based in self-love or self-hate.

Because, as Eleanor Roosevelt said, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

I want to invite you into this conversation with yourself as you settle into owning your truth and standing in your power.

Ask yourself…

Do I believe that I need fixing? Do I believe this will fix me?

Who am I without this thing?

Am I making this choice out of self-love or self-hate?

Will it bring me closer to myself or fill me to the brim with joy?

Do I want it or am I telling myself that I will never be whole without it?

Start there.

Start with knowing that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

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