The brimming, opening. The noticing, the deep need, a voracious black hole of yearning.
Too many of us are living in fear of our desires.
Instead, we are walking around the world, disconnected from ourselves. We are moving through our daily lives without pausing to notice feeling of fabric on our skin or the silky taste of our first cup of coffee. We have severed ourselves from actively embodying our skins.
Perhaps it has been painful for you to do so.
Perhaps the sheer noticing of the pinch of your bra against your back or the absence of a lovers hand linked in yours propels you directly to this place – to the place where disconnection is the only way out of feeling the failure of have not tended to your needs. Perhaps it feels easier to cut and run – to push the pain to the back of your brain where it can’t find you.
Today, I want to propose something kinder.
No matter where you are in your life right now, you can choose to live differently. You can invoke pleasure into your daily existence. You are not: too far gone, too old, to destructive, to burdened by your history. If you are ready, your life (your real life – the one deeply grounded in ease and joy) is waiting to unfurl before you.
Moments of Disconnect
I remember feeling as though I was a talking head. As if, from the neck up, I was pulled together because it was the only thing I could manage. Apply the eye shadow. Pile the hair up artistically. Smile. Laugh. All the while, barely noticing that my body wasn’t even present for the conversation, that I had locked it away somewhere because of it’s repeated failure to adhere to the beauty standards I was strictly trying to enforce. It had displeased me and the only option was to banish it from my consciousness.
I remember wishing I could run away from my partner, because the mere act of sitting in front of her with all of our shared vulnerabilities and history between us felt impossible. That I couldn’t bridge the gap of all that had happened, and, thus, couldn’t bare the thought of reaching across the table to hold her hand, an act that had once come easily, naturally.
I remember eating my food quickly. Piling my fork sky high the minute the last bite had passed my lips. The uncomfortable knowing that I had consumed the whole bag while my mind had been lingering elsewhere. I remember the numb that lasted only a moment before quickly melting into shame.. and guilt.
The path home to yourself, to your body, and to your burgeoning yearning – the epicenter of sexuality and creativity – is paved by noticing the spaces in between. It is about slowing yourself down enough to be present in this moment.
One bite. One kiss. One pleasurable feeling.
Begin to notice the things that catch your attention or feed your hunger for pleasure by tapping into using your five senses. When we are striving to reconnect with our sensual and sexual energy, it is significantly useful to take the time to explore and experiment with the prospect of encountering experiences that light us up, turn us on, or make us feel amazing as we are moving about our daily lives.
Women who feel very far away from living in their bodies often feel afraid of opening this door, imaging that it is the closet that they’ve been tucking everything into for years and that, if opened, they will be buried beneath the avalanche of forgotten and cast-aside possessions.
But your homecoming isn’t about going straight for the jugular. It isn’t about careening from this spot into a place of extreme and utter self-love. It will not topple you completely, but instead blossom before you, inviting you in one step further when you are ready.
It is about taking that one step, and then the next.
It is about succumbing to the spectrum of sensuality. The full breadth of living and seeking out the things that delight us.
The taste of homemade raspberry jam. The crooning of your favorite song. The notes of grapefruit in your favorite dish detergent. The silken touch of freshly washed sheets. The satin sheen of moisturizer on your skin. The smile when your eyes catch your favorite painting. The hand over your heart on the edge of sleep. The delight of witnessing a flower bloom.
You do not have to run the path back to yourself, panting and dizzy with undue effort.
This is not a race.
Instead, it is a sacred journey, a promise to yourself.
Sensuality is a spectrum, a path laid out before spanning the safe, cautious delights and the earth-shattering moments of bliss. We can choose to step on the path exactly where we are in this moment, and simply begin walking there, treading the territory home to our sweet hearts and our unattended to bodies.
Begin where you are, today.
Carve out spaces for pleasure through engaging your senses. Allow that delight to blossom deep in your belly, opening you up to the possibility that your body was built for this – for pleasure, for sensual living, and for joy.