What Did I Do to Deserve All of This?

September 11, 2012

The voice laments, after taking a quick tour through her own personal history.

She has been a good person. She has done all the right things. She has said everything that a nice person would say.

She took care of her family, her partner, her pets, and everyone else in her close knit life.

She used to joke that once she let people in, they were in for life – no matter how they disappointed her.  And it’s not that she didn’t get anything out of it – of course she did. In return, she received the validation for being supremely good at something – taking care of and fixing up the messes of others. 

And yet, now, here she is: exhausted, spent, stressed, and in complete and utter disconnect with her body. She doesn’t know who she is or what she wants out side of all of that helping.

These are the women who whisper, I want to lean on somebody else, just this once, but never do for fear of inconveniencing those around them.

Does this story sound familiar?

How many women do you know who could spin a tale like this?

Over the past couple of days, I’ve been doing a lot of business soul searching and thinking about the new ways that I can connect with my audience and potential clients. I’ve been surveying the scene and imagining the pitfalls in delivery of my services. I’ve been getting this message loud and clear:

Your ideal clients don’t even know how to hire you. They’ve never spent a sum of money or amount of time of any sort on themselves before. It is not that they couldn’t benefit from your assistance, but they struggle with accessing the part of themselves that believes they are worth hiring someone to help them create a life that they actually like living.

Because for many of the women that I work with – they don’t even know what kind of life they would create. 

They feel guilty, because they think that cultivating a life that is gorgeous and fun and uplifting means leaving their loved ones behind.

They think that learning to love themselves utterly and completely will make them seem selfish, arrogant, or unattractive to others.

They think that spending money on themselves makes them a bad, greedy person.  After all, there are children starving.

They do not believe in their own self-worth. They believe in their ability to help others, to fix things, to be the person that comes in and takes care of the ugly parts.

I know that their ability to take care of the ugly parts indicates their strength. I know that the women who come in quietly, tidying up everything around them and emotionally tending to the people in their lives, have phenomenal internal reservoirs of patience, love, and a rock-solid work ethic.

I know that these women, the women who feel guilty or nervous or undeserving are unbelievably amazing. They have an earth shattering amount of potential for truly living a life that would be enormous and exciting and beautiful by anyone’s standards.

So if you’re reading this post, and you feel like I’m talking directly to you, I am.

You may not yet be ready for me. You may be a little nervous. You may not quite know yet how to take all of that limitless power and strength and return it to it’s source – using it to create a life that is YOU sized.

A life that makes you want to cry and laugh, because it is so beautiful and perfect and exactly as you always imagined it could be.

This is my vow to you: I am very patient. I will tell you a million times how utterly deserving you are. I will hold the hope for you until you can hold it for yourself. I am not going to go away, even when what I’m saying to you makes you twinge with discomfort.

You are my people.

You are not bad or greedy or selfish or arrogant for wanting a better life.

You deserve that. 

When you’re ready, this page has your name all over it.

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