When you are caught up in diet-mentality, you learn quick that you do not deserve to eat the food that you truly want to consume. You stifle your cravings with a firm word and a stinging insult. You effectively (and efficiently) gain the ability to punish your sweet, tender wild child inside with the imposition of strict rules and regimes.
I want, but I do not deserve.
I long for _________, but that’s reserved for people who are ________ than me.
When you approach your diet from a perspective of restriction and resentment, it is quite likely that you are approaching other aspects of your life with the same militancy. As the ever wise Geneen Roth states:
Everything we believe about love, fear, transformation and God is revealed in how, when and what we eat.
So, as many of you know, I’m getting married in a few short months to my sweetheart, and I have to tell you, I’ve been having a hell of a time trying to plan the wedding. I’ve been procrastinating. I’ve been hysterical. I’ve been fearful. I’ve been militant. I’ve found myself dragged into an emotional tornado.
What if my entire life I have eaten compulsively, because I did not believe that I deserved joy.
Well, then, it might stand to reason that I am having a hard time planning my wedding, because somewhere, deep in my consciousness, I don’t believe that I deserve to be celebrated.
Or, possibly worse, that anyone would actually go through with marrying me.
Now, the thing with these types of unconscious beliefs are that they have us in their grips and are moving us around like pawns on a in a game of chess, and here we are, wandering around the board, wondering how the heck we got there. It is very difficult to know how to soothe yourself or get yourself out of a pattern that is pulling you down or killing your spirit – when you’re scared to even consider why you’re doing it.
Just for today, I want to encourage you to phone a friend, curl up with your favorite movie/CD/blanket, pull some essentials out of your emotional safety kit, and dig in.
I know that you want to know how to fix it all up immediately and move on the next task, because, let’s admit it, that’s how we do things in this society.
But, just for today, sit with that feeling, send all of your love + compassion + tenderness to that part of your spirit that needs to be forgiven + loved unconditionally.
Believe me when I tell you – YOU are worth celebrating. You are the best that there is. Everyone in your life is seriously lucky to have you around.
Don’t forget that.