You are Imperfect & Needy (And I love that About You)

August 08, 2016

you are needy and imperfect

I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you, and that you will work with these stories… water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.

{Clarissa Pinkola Est├ęs}

In your quietest moments, you might worry…

What if I am too needy? What if I’m not enough? What if they see through the cracks in my carefully curated perfection? What if I can’t do everything?

But, at the core, what you’re really asking is…

What if I reveal that I am human?

And, what if, in my humanity, I overwhelm the people in my life?

What if, when I ask for what I truly need, I am met with a resounding silence?

What if, in my imperfection, I actually don’t deserve the life I am craving?

Over the last couple of days, I have been moving into the next level of learning in my Crystalline Consciousness Technique energy healing practice. During this time, I have been working on myself quite intensively to heal some core assumptions that I have carried that keep me from showing up fully as I am in the world around me.

A lot of this very personal work is centered around a belief that I held for much of my life that if I were to truly show up as I am… I would be abandoned. That who I am authentically is too much – too bright, too needy, too difficult – and that, my loved ones would leave me if they really knew what I was like.

We all carry belief systems like this.

We all worry that we are not good enough.

We are all afraid of something.

And suddenly the other night, I found myself leveled by grief. Between my shuddering sobs, I said aloud, “I have never asked anyone to take care of me. I have never trusted anyone to truly take care of me. I have always told myself that if I asked for help, I would stop being useful, stop earning my relationships by being supportive… and no one would be there for me.”

And there it was: the core of the grief showing up so that it could be released.

That for my whole life, I was waiting for someone to notice that I needed help.

But, that I didn’t ask for the help that I needed because somewhere deep, I believed I wasn’t deserving of it.

And, because I didn’t ask for it, I never got it, and my un-deserving became a self-fulfilling prophecy that I carried beneath my skin.

We carry core beliefs in our bodies, far after they make “sense” to us intellectually.

They might be quiet or insidious, lurking in the shadows, and mucking up our relationships – even after we’ve grown-up and moved on.

In honor of working with these hard stories and deeply held beliefs, I want to tell you that…

You deserve the things that you need.

You deserve to ask for the things that you need.

Your deserving is completely unattached from the outcome to your ask. It is separate from the response to your call.

Your deserving is inherent.

And, it is your responsibility to ask. To share yourself. To stand in your truth. To allow yourself to live vibrantly – even when (and especially when) it is difficult.

That when you show up for yourself this way, you are belonging to yourself.

Because I woke up the next morning KNOWING that it was an old story. Knowing that I had released it. Knowing that I was suddenly filled with a greater sense of ease and peace, having walked through the fire and staying present with myself, even though I was afraid.

 

Knowing that I am blooming in my grit and truth.

And so are you.

  • Share on FacebookPin on Pinterest