Is Accepting Myself Avoiding Self-Improvement?

When you think about accepting yourself as you are — really accepting yourself — what does that bring up for you?

Over the years women have been told me they are afraid of accepting themselves because that means they will never improve. They say, Well, if I accept myself as I am, aren’t I just lazy? Aren’t I just avoiding the hard work of making myself better?

They don’t believe (YET) that they can motivate themselves to grow into the humans they desperately want to be through love, respect, and acceptance of the human they already are.

Years ago I remember feeling petrified that if I allowed myself to succumb to self-acceptance, I would wake up months down the road watching daytime television, covered in Dorito dust, and having gained 50 pounds. I remember not trusting of my ability to lead my own life without following someone else’s plan and the mere idea of it left me anxious and overwhelmed.

I didn’t trust myself to know what was best, because I had never taken the time to get to know myself. I was an expert in knowing who the world wanted me to be (thin, rich, successful, pretty, compliant, nice) and a complete novice in knowing what I wanted for my life.

I was an expert in working harder to earn the love I so frantically wanted to receive.

I was wrong about everything.

Accepting yourself and where you are right now is a vital step to becoming the person you want to become.

If you don’t take the time to get to know and appreciate your TRUE self, your self-improvement will always be guided by who you think you Should Be instead of who you actually are.

This is why all of the quick fixes and formulaic plans for success haven’t worked. They were based on who the world is telling you to be instead of who YOU actually are.

This faulty foundation is comprised of fear instead of a deeply felt sense of belonging to yourself.

This is why you are still stuck trying to find your way out of your misery and self-loathing and into the light of day where you see confident, happy people living their lives and not getting paralyzed by what other people think about them.

I believe the best improvement is born out of love for and acceptance of ourselves as we are. There is nothing stagnant about self-acceptance. There is also nothing inherently motivating about forcing yourself forward through fear and threat of punishment.

I have seen, in my own life and in the life of my clients, how much explosive, joyful, and forward moving change is born out of being kind to yourself.

Here’s the real truth: Self-acceptance is the answer and there is no shortcut.

No one can do this work for you.

No one can totally tell you what it’s going to look like, either.

This is about building a relationship with yourself through compassionate dialogue, curiosity, and a refusal to abandon yourself no matter what.

My work is supporting you while you (re)build your most primary relationship with yourself and providing opportunities for conversation and recipes for connection to help you along your path.

I cannot do the work for you, but we can link arms with one another and do the work side by side.

We can cheer one another on. We can co-create a dynamic and undeniably authentic community of humans committing to their own care, courage, and, sovereignty.

This permission is contagious because when you show up as your fullest, truest self, it gives others permission to do the same.

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