I’ve written before about manifesting and believing in your own dreams, and these topics have been of particular important to me lately as I have been forcing myself to move forward and act productively in the honor of my own dreams. Which is harder to do than one might imagine! There are all sorts of reasons why we put dreams on the back burner, instead choosing to toil away in our everyday lives because we are so comfortable and safe there. Perhaps we earn a great living, have a stable loving relationship, or a great friend base, and we are afraid of upsetting the careful balance we created in order to secure ourselves these things. Or perhaps we hate most things about our life, but are too scared or paralyzed to take steps towards our dreams.
Whatever the reason, I have been holding my life pretty close for the past year or so, reveling in the utter beauty of stability I have found, for the first time in my life. I have learned, recently, to provide for myself, both financially and emotionally, and that newfound sense of calm is hands down the best thing I have ever achieved.
But that is not all I want out of my life.
I also want these things: to be able to be my own boss, to enjoy my work and therefore be inspired to work harder, to have a family that I am able to support and love without question, to be financially stable in the broader sense, to have my life’s work be of some consequence in the world around me.
Enter: GRAD SCHOOL. I know that I am talking a lot about this lately, but frankly it is all I am thinking about. But when I am thinking about it, I am also thinking about other dreams that I have been quietly but nuturingly incubating for most of my life: publishing books that help people, babies babies babies of my very own dressed in polka dots and stripes, an understated little wedding to someone that I can love to the maximum without fear of it being too much or unreciprocated. I have dreamt of a house that is warm with a big kitchen and enough rooms for everyone to come to stay. I have dreamt of an office with a big wooden desk and a desktop computer with a screen large enough that I can look at several documents at once.
But above all else, I have dreamt of setting my own hours, being my own boss, and challenging myself to work harder and think more clearly, every single day.
Dreams are important. They are those things that you can think of when you are bogged down with the little steps along the way, the tests you have to take, obstacles that you must hurdle, or moments when you feel like you are re-inventing the wheel. This is why I move forward, putting one foot in front of the other, seemingly into the abyss of nothing and everything.
There are two scenes from The Secret (which I will always LOVE). 1) The image of the sprouts of change that happen when you shift your intent and begin to manifest your dreams into actuality. In this image those sprouts are green and fertile, and right below the surface of the soil, readying themselves to pierce the surface as you summon them to you with your faith in their existence. 2) The image of the car on the highway traveling in the night. The car’s headlights can only spot a little ways ahead, after which there is nothing but darkness. In this way a car can travel the entire length of the country, two hundred feet or so visible at a time, with nothing but your expected arrival at your destination to guide you.
These are the images that I am conjuring in my mind when I think of dream incubation. I envision a little egg of light in which my house and babies and partner and job and successes and total bliss and happiness reside. I envision carrying this egg around with me like in those old fashioned home-ec class projects where you are to care for an egg as if its a child, knitting it jumpers and cradling it in your arms, keeping it from cracking with all of your might. I envision a little hotspot of joy and triumph radiating heat from inside my body like a rock thrown in a fire or a lit coal in the winter.
And I imagine defending the existence and future of that egg, no matter what the costs. No matter how many times I am told no. No matter how many days I have where I feel like I am banging my head against the wall and getting through to no one.
But mostly, I imagine my unending faith in the face of all uncertainty, and I think that this will make all the difference.
This blog holds a cozy little space in that egg as well, because in so many ways it is representative of my dream life, and I am unbelievably grateful for it.
Thank you for sharing my life with me.