I’m In Charge Of Celebrations

June 24, 2013

I put myself in charge. I get to choose.  Last year I gave myself 108 celebrations, besides the ones that they close school for.  I cannot get by on just a few.

– I’m in Charge of Celebrations by Byrd Baylor

I am often asked about the tangible difference between my life then and my life now. 

Then, when I was hating myself freely, pushing myself along a path that I had not even given myself a moment to realize wasn’t mine, focused fully on becoming someone else – someone thinner, someone better, someone more accomplished. Then, when I was so afraid of my own shine that I hunkered down deep and made it my best kept secret. Then, when I was restless and angry, false-knowing that who I was wasn’t worthy, wasn’t enough. Then, when I believed that I wasn’t good.

Now, when I follow my heart to the best of my capabilities. When I allow myself to be seen readily, even when it is uncomfortable, humbly providing myself the opportunity to be loved for who I truly am. Now, when my light pours out of the cracks and crevices. Now, when I dig into my worth, my enoughness. Now, when I am convinced that I am good – that we are all good – and that reclaiming our our brilliance is our birthright.

There are so many differences between then and now that I have struggled putting my finger on exactly what has been the turning point for me.

I have written to you about radical self-responsibility and standing behind yourself completely, even when you are afraid.

Those are my truths, undeniably, but there is something that gets lost in translation when you talk about responsibility that doesn’t quite explain what I teach and why it changes people.

Radical self-responsibility means I’m in charge of celebrations. 

The path that I am on is about becoming the master of ceremonies in my own life, and allowing celebration to be my prayer, the way that I express gratitude for my life. This is the sweet spot, where the divine feminine meets the slumber party. Where there is equal space for ritual and work as there is for unbridled laughter.

My celebrations aren’t about huge, over the top parties, though they certainly can be if it is your style.

My celebrations are about cleaning the kitchen before I make breakfast, so that I have an immaculate space to prepare my morning food.

They are about dancing with my sisters, as often as possible, holding hands and shouting out the lyrics to our favorite songs.

They are about going out of your way to find the most perfect and delicious gluten free chocolate chip cookies on a long road trip.

They are about my sweetheart and I taking time out to turn our phones off, and going on romantic, ridiculous dates.

These celebrations are about learning what lights me up completely, and doing it on purpose.

My celebrations take ordinary occurrences, and turn them into portals to shower myself with love and reminders of my own deserving.