Saying No, No-Thank-You, or "I Don’t Want Your Money"

August 03, 2011

This week I was reminded in no uncertain terms about what it means to be the kind of person who says no. This kind of person is definitive. They are able to assess the situation, be mindful of their own worth, and respond accordingly. They know when to pull the plug. They are able to remind themselves not to act out of desperation, and to wait for an opportunity that really truly jives with their personal style.

I want to be that kind of person.

When you are accustomed to operating from a personal deficit, taking whatever scraps are tossed your way, or are without any deep seated sense that you are worth it – you can find yourself sacrificing more than you like in order to fit in / make money / gain popularity / etc.

Now, of course this concept can be applied to the blog world. You could be a new writer, working your butt off and hopeful to see your hard work reflected in your bank account, so you take every free product and opportunity that gets tossed your way – because you feel just! so! grateful! that someone is interested in your site. Until suddenly you find yourself knee deep in junk you don’t need, with no money in your bank account, and a bankrupt sense of self.

However, this can be applied to many other real life situations. Your job that wants you to tackle more opportunities without giving you any real responsibility or compensation. Your relationship in which you give and give but get very little in return. Your family when they push food or obligations on you that you find yourself unable to say no to.

That moment when you allow yourself to act out of desperation, you can find yourself in the strangest place – where you’ll suddenly come to and wonder how the heck you went so astray or what you could POSSIBLY do to get home.

Fess up. Eat your words. You’ve promised something in a moment of delirium that you now realize that there is no way that you canĀ  complete because it strays so far from who you are and what your vision is for yourself? Apologize, be transparent, and make a mental note of what this life lesson has taught you.

I used to make really horrible decisions when I was a teen, because at my core I simply did not feel like I deserved any better. I am here to tell you – you deserve better. No moment is too late to take a deep breath, gather all of your strength, and say no. You may think it will be easier to just swallow the task or chalk it up to experience, but there are some things that you can’t take back.

Something used to be a perfect fit, but now you’ve outgrown it? It is your prerogative as a person to live and grow in whatever way comes natural to you. This may mean that the relationship you once swooned over now makes you feel a little sad. Or that the blog you started, worked on diligently every second for five years no longer feels like how. Or that you said you would go out with someone, but now you find yourself horrified at the thought of going home with them. It is never too late to say it’s been real, but… I gotta go.

When you make hard decisions that truly resonate who you are and what you stand for, people will will respect you even if they don’t understand at first. Better yet, YOU will respect yourself for putting YOUR needs first.