On any given day there are a million places to transfer our worth, allowing it to slip through our tender hands and attach itself to moments that pass by.
Not enough food in the refrigerator… unworthy.
Yelled at the kids for taking too long… unworthy.
Favorite jeans really tight… unworthy.
Bank account overdrawn… unworthy.
Hysterically cried when I felt triggered by my partner, only to push them further away… unworthy.
No comments or little hearts on my favorite social media platform… unworthy.
As we navigate our way through our day, around the planet, we have opportunities to adhere our worth, our goodness to just about anything that we come into contact with. In the process, we tell ourselves the familiar story: Because I __________, I am not good enough.
We give our best selves away and we tell ourselves that we are inherently flawed.
We believe the stories that we spin. We tell ourselves that because the project was late or the laundry went undone or we spilled coffee on our shirt – again – that we are undeserving.
We do it as if we don’t have a choice… but we do.
We attach meaning to those actions, damning ourselves and giving a piece of our sparkle away, because we imagine that is what the world is thinking. That if we say it before someone else does, we will be safer. That if we take ourselves down a notch we will be inspired to keep striving, reaching for perfection.
But, you are not the food in the refrigerator or the late project or the overdrawn bank account.
You are not the jeans that don’t fit or the fight with your partner.
You are a person, human and whole.
You are the sum of your many parts, both light and dark. We all are.
You will not be safer if you try to beat others to the punch, damning yourself and punishing yourself for your many transgressions.
Hurting and punishing yourself while you give all of your good stuff away is not the path to transcendence.
Instead, it keeps you here. Tethered to the ground and chained to you many negative beliefs about yourself. It keeps you from moving forward with trust and faith. It keeps you from being inspired by the multitude of your many strengths.
You are not the spilled coffee.
You are an ecstatic collection of cells with a radiant spark dwelling deep within, put on this planet for a purpose.
You will make mistakes. We all will.
You will break your own heart a million times. You will act out. You will yell when you wish you could calmly make your point.
You will make mistakes, but you do not have to make them mean that you are unworthy.
That is the part that you can control. The only part.
You control what you believe. What you say to yourself as you navigate the world. What you teach others about how to treat you.
You control the part where give your worth away, chipping pieces off and slipping them into the pocket of the jeans that don’t fit or leaving them in the fridge where the half and half was supposed to be.
Until you have nothing left but a slew of evidence to support your belief that you are undeserving.
Like breadcrumbs, collect those chips. Follow them back to yourself, to your source.
Hold them tight in your hands and refuse to let them go.
Your worth is inherent, immovable, unchangeable – unless you choose to give it away.
Give yourself permission to hold those parts. Permission not to attach meaning to every little thing that goes wrong in your day. Permission to be who you are, flaws and all.
Permission to accept yourself, fully.