The urge to compare ourselves to others is that feeling that bubbles up from somewhere deep in the abyss of our psyche, momentarily taking over our limbs, eyes, and mind, as we scan the crowd to find new subjects to add fuel to the fire.
That coach has a nicer website than me. She is just SO perfect. Look how beautifully she launched her latest course. I’ll never do anything like that. OH and THAT coach…
Oh how NICE it must be to have a husband who brings you flowers all day so that you can take pretty pictures to post in your Instagram account. BULLY. For. You.
That woman has the cutest children on the planet. I bet they never cry. Her life is so much easier than mine.
And on and on.
As we peel back the layers, at the root of comparison is a desire for something that you want for your life. Beneath it all is a way that you want to feel as you move about your day.
Maybe it’s freedom. Or, abundant. Joyful. Loved. Exuberant. Sensual. Engaged. Ease. Seen. Supported.
Then, because you’re human, you’ve attached some external trappings to that desired feeling. A house. Or a job. Or a relationship. Or a sweet designer purse. Or a business of your own. Or a body that weights _______ pounds.
Believing that the external trappings that you’ve designated are the only path to your desired feeling, and you set out searching for the thing… and you start checking out people who already have it. You start looking at them and watching what they’re up to.
You want the feeling. There is nothing wrong with the wanting. However, we get caught up when we attach a story to the wanting and tell ourselves that is the only path for us. Truthfully, that might not be our path. Our path may look very different because is specifically created for US.
When we compare ourselves to others, we: look at the external trappings of someone else’s life, make meaning of what we see there and attach our stories to it, and come back to ourselves, surveying the scene and noting every single place where we are “lesser than.”
Comparison truly is jealousy with a slightly different outfit on.
We choose people to compare ourselves to based in our jealousy over perceiving them to have something that we want.
There is nothing wrong with wanting.
There is incredible data in your wanting, in your desires. There is incredible data available to you when you notice yourself tumbling into a fit of jealousy.
But at the core of comparison and jealousy, is you.
You, standing in your truth and power, cultivating a life that is undeniably yours.
You, getting really honest with yourself about what you want and pouring yourself into action and forward momentum.
You, shedding the distractions of comparison and jealousy – and getting right to the good stuff, right to the desire.
Despite what you’ve been told, there is nothing wrong with comparison or jealousy.
They are indicators of what lights you up and turns you on.
It may not feel particularly good or cozy existing in those states, but beneath all of the shame and self-imposed judgment is your heart. I know that you can tolerate difficult emotions. I know that you can stay with yourself, should you choose to.
I know that you are powerful enough to peel back the layers, and find pieces of yourself tucked deep within.
Need help seeing your own power? Want to learn about comparison, jealousy, and learning how to use them as tools for cultivating a deliciously unique life?
Of course you do. And, this workshop will help you right on your way!
The Cure for Comparison is now available as a digital download – including pre-work prompts, a 75 minute video workshop + companion workbook.
You can find it over here – scroll all the way to the bottom and voilà!