Worry, Intention & Reclaiming Choice

This month, I have been consumed with the idea of well-intended choices, with the way that we actively participate in creating the world around us that we want by stacking up our small choices in an effort to build something beautiful and uniquely our own.

Cultivating a remarkable life that sustains you is about reclaiming these small choices, about making the decision not to let small choices pass us by because we are busy underestimating their power. 

And, yes, we always have a choice – even (and especially) when we feel like we don’t.

Each and every choice is a stitch in the fabric that we surround ourselves with.

That perfect cup of coffee.

That well-dressed salad with a sprinkle of truffle salt.

That decision to stay home instead of overextending ourselves.

The clothing that we dress ourselves in.

The socks that we procure for ourselves.

Each choice has a purpose, and that purpose is to align us more deeply and beautifully with ourselves, with our own shining spirits. 

Yesterday I was on a plane and the turbulence was terrifying, the worst I’ve ever experienced.

In a moment I was connected with a younger version of myself. That version of myself used to white knuckle the the arms of my seat from take-off to landing, silently cursing myself for putting myself in harms way.

That version of myself was constantly terrified of making the wrong choice. 

I doubted my decisions, because I was making them blindly, in an attempt to please everyone around me – including the unknown people that I was certain were judging my every move.

During that time of my life, I always felt like I was failing. Like I was never doing good enough.

But, it wasn’t that I wasn’t doing enough, it was that I was was doing a spectacularly poor job of being me.

And so, I spent each plane ride with my heart racing and the most cruel and terrified thoughts scampering through my mind.

However, when each choice has a purpose and when we are invested in becoming more aligned with our own personal truth and power, we become less worried.

The purpose here is not to rid ourselves of fear, because fear is natural. Instead, it is to free ourselves from the useless worry, the constant wondering, and our moment-by-moment second guessing.

Yesterday, as I sat on the plane, I marveled at how I was no longer terrified. My mind was calm. My hands in my lap.

I asked myself, what is different here? 

I became aware of how, now, I ask myself – would I have made another choice if I had known that the outcome was that the plane would crash or that harm would come my way? And because I have reclaimed my choices, carefully making decisions based on my heart and my true purpose on this planet, the answer, now, is always no. 

No. I was traveling to complete the next level of my CCT energy healing training, to which I feel divinely called. This trip, this decision, this training wasn’t a question for me. It was the next step in a series of decisions aligned with my purpose on this planet – to be energetically clean in my interactions, to do my own work first, to expand my capacity to heal the wounds and serve the well-crafted intentions of my community of women.

I felt deliciously calmed just knowing that, now, I able to trust myself.

I felt calm in feeling my way around this larger choice, because I had allowed myself to experiment with all of the small choices along the way. Each moment, asking myself quietly – how do I want to live? Is this decision in integrity with that vision?

And, though it sounds like work, I have never been so harmonious, so at home in my life.

Learning how to trust myself has been the most delightful adventure that I have ever embarked on.

So today, I am pausing in re-entry to my life after a week of travel, and I am turning my thoughts yet once again to the small choices – the breath, the breakfast that nourishes me, the decision not to jam-pack my schedule, the time with my sweetheart.

And I wonder, what sustains you? How do you want to live? And what small choices can you make today that are aligned with that vision for your life?